Jealousy is your imagination out of control. Sometimes there seem to be good reasons for jealousy...many times there aren't. When someone is experiencing jealousy for no real reason then their imagination needs training.

You can easily learn to control your imagination, rather than have it control you. For it is the imagination that causes these feelings of jealousy, when people visualise, for example, their partner with someone else. This can cause a whole host of problems associated with these jealous feelings, from anxiety and panic, to anger when their partner simply looks at another person.

Jealousy occasionally causes the person to be withdrawn and moody, but more often than not results in anger or even fury. Afterwards the person feels remorse, and often frustration with themselves, irritation with their inability to control their thoughts and feelings, anxiety and even depression.

Often the person on the receiving end of jealousy is utterly surprised and bewildered by their partner's response. Also, many people on the receiving end learn to live in trepidation of their partner's outbursts. The 'jealous' person will often be repeating patterns of behaviour from previous relationships although sometimes a person can get well into middle-age before the emotion rears its head for the first time.

CAUSES

• Unmet expectations. Many times we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and the people around us. Often times we feel things should come easier and faster to us. Then if things don't happen when we think they should, we inevitably run into someone who already has what we want. All of a sudden, we feel this surge of ugly, green emotion called jealousy.
• A sense of entitlement. For some reason we have this ingrained attitude that we are entitled to things. Kids leaving the nest for the first time believe their own standard of living should be the same as their parents. They don't consider that their parents have worked for years and years. Many times people with financial problems feel "entitled" to buy things on credit, even though they know it's a bad idea. Having the nicest car and the newest toys seems more important than getting out of debt.
• Insecurity. It is so easy to look at other people and wish we had what they have. And so many times it doesn't stop there. We start berating ourselves for not having what they have. Then we begin to believe negative junk ourselves. The next thing we know, we've developed insecurities in our relationships.

CURE

Breaking free from jealousy starts with your thoughts. When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel and act. The easiest way to change your focus is to begin by helping others. It will definitely be time well spent. Or better yet, thoughts well spent.

• Fess up. You need to talk directly about jealousy to prevent and manage it. If you don't say it, you'll show it-which can mean all kinds of accusations and snooping. Share your feelings without hurling accusations. Make clear requests: "I'm feeling a little insecure. I think I'd feel better if we firm up our plans so I can look forward to time with you". Request specific actions that help you feel more secure like planning calls or sharing more about his experiences during the day. The more connected you are, the less jealous you'll feel.

• Manage stress.Jealousy is a stress response, which means if you're already anxious and overwhelmed, you're likely to feel it even more intensely. Before you look to your partner for reassurance, make sure you've done your part to manage anxiety with exercise, good nutrition, meditation and plenty of supports. Sometimes the green-eyed monster settles down when you plan a little self-care.

• Ask for reassurance. If you feel suspicious, use 'I-statements': "I feel a little jealous about your time with her. Can we talk a little about your relationship?" If that sounds too risky, remember, you're already feeling insecure. Better to say it than show it with accusations and angry distance. If there's nothing going on, it shouldn't be a big deal to talk about it–anymore than it would be to discuss time with his other friends. If you do this, be sure you model the same transparency about your own relationships. Avoid making demands or hurling accusations–more attempts at control. Instead, say something like, "I get a little insecure when you talk about having a great time with these other guys (or girls). I think it'd help me if we touched base after you go to the party-maybe in the morning if it's too late when you get back?"
  

• But ask in moderation. If you always have to ask about time with friends to get any information at all, it might be a red-flag. If things are innocent, your partner should routinely volunteer information. You shouldn't have to keep asking. The more open you both are about your relationships the less jealous you'll feel.
  
  

• Stop comparing yourself to other people. You were created as a very unique and special person. Relish that thought. Love the fact that you're special. So you don't have to feel bad that you don't have all the qualities, features, money, or anything else that someone else has. Your journey is just that — yours.
  
  
• Stop worrying about you all the time. Find a way to be a blessing to someone else. When you change your focus away from yourself, all of a sudden your self-image improves. You get to experience the feeling of satisfaction that only comes when you're a blessing to someone else. Your priorities start changing, and one day you realize that the things that used to make you so jealous and so nuts, don't bother you so much anymore.
  
  
• Stop wanting what other people have if you're not willing to go through what they did to get it. When you see a person who is physically fit and looks positively great, it's easy to feel really jealous. But are you willing to work out every day? Are you willing to eat healthy and look for ways to be healthy? If you're not, then there really is no reason to feel jealous, is there?
  
  
• Start focusing on all that's positive in your life. Since your mind can only consciously think about one thing at a time, doesn't it make sense to make sure that "one thing" is positive and is moving you toward the really great things in life.
  
  

• Know your limits. If you worry day and night or fire off insecure e-mails on a daily basis, then consider taking a break. When no amount of direct reassurance helps, or you just can't talk openly about insecurities, it's a sign that the relationship may not be for you.
  

I will be referring a lot to the three selves (physical, emotional and conceptual). When discussing this with my partner and the best way to explain the three selves he referred me to the study of 'The Triune Brain'. I did some research and the information below will help you to understand about the three selves when we get deeper into conversation...

The Reptilian Complex (PHYSICAL)
The R-complex consists of the brain stem and the cerebellum. Its purpose is closely related to actual physical survival and maintenance of the body. The cerebellum orchestrates movement. Digestion, reproduction, circulation, breathing, and the execution of the "fight or flight" response in stress are all housed in the brain stem. Because the reptilian brain is primarily concerned with physical survival, the behaviors it governs have much in common with the survival behaviors of animals. It plays a crucial role in establishing home territory, reproduction and social dominance. The overriding characteristics of R-complex behaviors are that they are automatic, have a ritualistic quality, and are highly resistant to change. 

The Limbic System  (EMOTIONAL)
The limbic system, the second brain to evolve, houses the primary centers of emotion. It includes the amygdala, which is important in the association of events with emotion, and the hippocampus, which is active in converting information into long term memory and in memory recall. Repeated use of specialized nerve networks in the hippocampus enhances memory storage, so this structure is involved in learning from both commonplace experiences and deliberate study. However, it is not necessary to retain every bit of information one learns. Some neuroscientists believe that the hippocampus helps select which memories are stored, perhaps by attaching an "emotion marker" to some events so that they are likely to be recalled. The amygdala comes into play in situations that arouse feelings such as fear, pity, anger, or outrage. Damage to the amygdala can abolish an emotion-charged memory. Because the limbic system links emotions with behavior, it serves to inhibit the R-complex and its preference for ritualistic, habitual ways of responding.

The limbic system is also involved in primal activities related to food and sex, particularly having to do with our sense of smell and bonding needs, and activities related to expression and mediation of emotions and feelings, including emotions linked to attachment. These protective, loving feelings become increasingly complex as the limbic system and the neocortex link up.

The Neocortex  (CONCEPTUAL)
Also called the cerebral cortex, the neocortex constitutes five-sixths of the human brain. It is the outer portion of our brain, and is approximately the size of a newspaper page crumpled together. The neocortex makes language, including speech and writing possible. It renders logical and formal operational thinking possible and allows us to see ahead and plan for the future. The neocortex also contains two specialized regions, one dedicated to voluntary movement and one to processing sensory information.

The next step we are going to take is really finding out who we are. Right to our core. The first thing we need to do is take a personality test. This thing is UNREAL! It will define you to your core. You really need to do this to open your eyes to who you are, why you do things the way you do, your weaknesses and your strengths. When you finish, it will give you 4 letters, which is your personality type. Post them below with your email address and I will send you some seriously cool information about yourself...

Take the test here - http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

You deserve true happiness, we spend a lot of time wondering what that really means, and when and if we will ever really find it. The answer is YES. You can and will find it. It may not be easy, but you will get there. You just need to work a few things out along the way, but its there, waiting for you.

I believe the first step in finding true happiness, love and having great relationships is really working out who you are to your core. Once you know and understand yourself you can really being to expand yourself on all levels to reach your full potential in relationships, love, your career, your passions and life itself.

We all fit into one of three beings. Physical, emotional and conceptual. One of these three is our main being, we all have a secondary, and we all have a shadow, which is our weakness.

How do I know what I am? Here’s a little explanation on each…

Physical – Physical people a simply, well… physical people. They are focus on all things physical, they look after their body and their health and are very active. They would rather be outdoors, working with their hands, going on an adventure and going to the gym.

Emotional – Emotional people act predominately on their emotions. They feel. They take words and actions of others to heart. They sense when another is upset or something is not right with someone close to them. They are sensitive.

Conceptual – A conceptual person is one who uses their mind and intellect. They base decisions and discussions on pure logic.

You will automatically know which of the three you are, you may have to think a little harder about your secondary, but you will know your weakness. So identify your main self, then your weakness and your secondary will then make sense.

Use and develop your strengths! But more importantly, you need to work on your weaknesses. Some of the best advice I have ever received was “Focus on your strengths in business and focus on your weakness in relationships.” This couldn’t be more true.

Our relationship is the foundation of our life. If you can work on and strengthen aspects and issues within your relationship, the rest of your life will naturally follow. Think about it, when there is conflict in your relationship, how is the rest of your life doing? When your relationship is really good, how is the rest of your life doing? Whether we are physical, emotional or conceptual beings, it is true on a deep level.

So the first thing I want you to do is to define yourself. What is your main being? Physical, Emotional or Conceptual? Then what is your secondary? Now what is your weakness? We are going to talk about that....